Gay men's relationships have historically, for better and worse, not been socially defined in the same way heterosexual relationships have been. This has led gay men to find unique ways of buildling relationships, which requires uniques ways of working in the context of couples therapy...
Gay men can and do face many of the same relational stressors as their heterosexual counterparts: lack of intimacy over time, declining sexual interest over time, difficulty resolving interpersonal conflicts, difficulty communicating, and a lack of spontaneity in the relationship. Sometimes couples may have trouble finding agreement on how to shape their lives together: "Do we want a child, or even children? If we do have children, how do we model healthy masculinity and feminitity to them? Where do we want to live? Where do we want to vacation? Who are our friends and how can we make new ones?".
While these problems may be common, each relationship has its own unique identity, and understanding and working from this identity is essential for lasting change to occur in the context of therapy. If you want to find a therapist who understands these issues thoroughly, as well as how homophobia - both external and interalized - may impact you and your partner's ability to confront and work through these issues, please reach out to schedule a consultation.
Gay men have dramatically redefined fidelity in the context of coupling. While some gay couples choose to maintain a monogamous relationship (which may of itself lead them to feel isolated and misunderstood within the gay community), many gay men define their relationships in different ways. Gay relationships are often built on emotional fidelity that feels more important to many gay men than physical exclusivity in their sexual expression. This can take many forms, from open relationships, to relationships where others sexual partners are occasionally invited to join for sexual pleasure, and each relationship tends to have its own contract, whether explicitly acknowledged or not.
Additionally, many gay men may find that they are not as sexually compatible with their partner as they used to be as their sexual interests and expressions have changed over time. If any of these issues make you less enthusiastic about your relationship than you wish you were, please reach out for a consultation. I am able to provide an understanding and competent psychotheraputic experience for gay couples facing these issues and many others.
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